end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
