Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You pole danced in your parka.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
