you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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