Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
