I puked a lego.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
