I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
