shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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