Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
