Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
