Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize