Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
