YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize