Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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