Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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