he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
