that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
