so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
