Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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