She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
