I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
