I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
be right there i have to get my cape
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
