i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize