"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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