we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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