I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
