My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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