i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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