Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
