He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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