I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
