remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
