There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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