I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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