is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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