my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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