Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
