when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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