Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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