I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize