it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
