So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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