Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
