my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
