Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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