omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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