I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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