We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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