I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
