my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
