if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
