Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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