3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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