We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
