Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
