No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
