I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
