he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
