You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
