i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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