What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
