So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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