The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
