i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
