Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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