3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
