You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Someone shit on the floor
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
