You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
