make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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